2010 - First Post

Strange how writing in this blog doesn't give the same sense of "spilling" my guts anymore. The use of MySpace, then Facebook really took the place of writing longer, more meaningful posts here. Perhaps the need for attention was better fulfilled through the other networking sites.

Writing... writing has been on my mind, more so than usual, but the want and will has seemed to leave again. But it's like going to the gym. If you don't go at first, you'll just end up paying month to month without using any of the equipment. When you DO go, you can start a schedule, get used to going and really make use of the money you're spending. I suppose i'm fortunate that i can be in a position to have that decision to make. I really shouldn't take advantage and waste money that way.

There are several things i want to do for myself this year. They are not really new year's resolutions because i plan on taking action with each:

- go to the library more
- practice my violin
- join a choir
- start up bowling in a league again
- take better care of myself
- write more (if not something every day)
- sleep more
- enjoy life more...


There are so many things around me that i see with limited view. Sure, i can find the simple pleasures in them, but i give excuses of why i can't find out more about them. Why i can't make a story of an inspiring stairwell. Why a bold red door wouldn't be enough to write someone's back story.

I HAVE TO KEEP WRITING. My heart craves to get the stories from my head on paper, but my brain wants them all to herself. She wants to live in the fantasy of having several situations to be in and feelings to experience. I really want to share all that with the world. Then the editor in me comes in to take away the creativity by claiming there are limitations and copyrights and so forth and so on.

i want to create things. Sure they've been created before, but not by me, not in the way i would create it. that's what would make it special. that's what would make it enjoyable for all. I just have to keep on myself.

Dave encourages me to write. He knows how much it means to me and he reminds me (so far it's only been once) but i love him so much for it. Can i hope that someone has really come to accept me, in all my faults? Wow... shows what's really on my mind.

i only hope i offer as much and he doesn't tire of my ways. to have another get bored with me would be.... i'd devote my entire life to service.

Didn't mean for this to be so dramatic, but writing brings out the things that sometimes i don't even want to admit. And with that weight slightly off my shoulders, i bid all a good night.