Write Every Day!

So it's 4:10pm on a saturday afternoon. The sun is shining brightly and i long to be outside. Where am i? I'm sitting on the couch, crocheting watching Frasier episodes on Netflix. What does this say about me? I'll tell you. I've come to a point in my life where i'm truly frozen with indecision. I've made a career for myself doing something i'm good at, but not necessarily what i enjoy. I've gone to a school on borrowed money that promises to keep me financially "land locked" for almost a lifetime and i don't know what i want to do. Well, when i really think about it, that's not true. It seems i'm denying my true wants out of fear of failure. Fear of losing the status i've built up around myself. If i asked myself what i want to be, my immediate answer has been subconsciously hushed because i don't think it will happen or will make me successful. Strange how that fear has severely compromised my happiness. Fo...

It's been SO long since i've wanted to write. well, when i've been at the computer at least. i get the urge, but then get lazy. even though i keep a notepad with me at all times it takes some effort to pull it out of my bag an d stop a moment. to take a breath out of life instead of just trudging through on my way soemewhere else. netflix lit up my nostalgia with Swan Princess. i really do think i'll be getting rid of cable. there are so many movies and tv shows i can watch commercial free, why should i bother with channels i jus t flip through to numb my mind? man, i love As Time Goes By. Nice and easy weekend coming up. Going to see Billy Elliott tomorrow afternoon then figure out how i'm going to make a banner for the marathon runners on sunday. They will be right outside my window ^___^ streamers, shiney ribbons and some other things to welcome them to harlem. i love supporting people that are striving for a goal. the structure gives me peace. i'...

Okay... so, where will this career come from? Where should i lay my focus. There are a few things that make my heart leap that i could do for a living: - Work in Anime/Manga promotions/marketing - Become a singer - Work in the Video Game industry (perfect timing, Billy - The Stranger is just how this feels) The jobs above are highly competitive, as am i. They also don't promise lots of money. But working hard, could i be happy with just that? I find that i'm more fortunate than others and must help them when i can. is this an arrogant sentiment? Should i not feel that way and let that dictate where i want to take a possible career? Or should i learn from my previous relationship that i'm not really helping but spoiling others where they cannot help themselves? should i take on a bit of selfishness and do something completely for me? i don't know if i'm ready for that. an opportunity has presented itself and i'll see how things turn out in October. ^_^ to...

i was in the shower when this idea came to mind. it really wasn't a new idea, but one that i've had for quite a while now. i've had a strong disagreement with the way children, and adults are being diagnosed with behavioral problems in the last 10 or so years. i guess it all started with the popularity of ADHD in the news and teachers that felt they had the right to diagnose children themselves. It started there and went onto other ailments that we see as "problems." My feeling is that maybe these instances could be human evolution. The problem is that our society, in it's need for permanence would never consider the possibility. For starters, i'm not trying to make any medical statements, these are all pure observations of those around me and a few definitions i've looked up. My theories could be naive, and i understand there have been years of study to back up other facts, but as the title says, this is a freewrite and it's my blog. :P Now if we ...

Had one of the most meaningful conversations of my life today. I told someone how i feel for a change. He listened - he didn't yell, he didn't berate me, he didn't tell me what i was doing was wrong, he also didn't agree at times and said how he felt. It was amazing! Bleh.... that sounds so flat. I'm invigorated from our words. I feel ten times better than Maria when she was dancing in the dress shop. Things still have to be worked out, each of us has things we have to deal with, but we're doing it together and we're doing it in love. That's all that matters. May good communication spread to all of you out there. ~marj ^__^

It's been quite a while since posting here. With Facebook and other social sites, it's easier to instantly add pictures and comments and rants in one click. The need for immediacy renders the blog almost too time consuming for those with busy schedules. For a while now, i've thought about settling down, trying to steer away from technology and go back to a simpler way of life. With my profession, it may seem impossible, but i'm trying to find the time and resources to do it. Here's what i've been up to lately. Just joined the Tenant's Association at my apartment complex. Since i've signed on for another year's lease, i think i'd like to participate more in what goes on around me at home. I've gone to some of their meetings already and it looks like we may get some work done this year. One of the members of the executive board has also set up mentoring programs for young men. He received interest from women as well and i've signed up...

Went to the Upper East Side today. Guess it was a routine visit, going to a book stores tribute to Katya, a dear friend and old neighbor who is performing at Carnegie Hall June 12th. I thought since I was there before that I'd be okay. Thanks to a single song, I was left in tears before the event. You see, music has quite a hold on me. It always has. When I was lonely, music lent some companionship. If I was angry, a hard beat and powerful voice helped release the pressure. If I was sad, I would listen to modern day crooners, mostly broadway ballads, to help the tears flow, then I'd feel a hell of a lot better. And best of all, when I was happy, I could sing along with the rest at the top of my lungs, on key or not. Today, a song came across my iPod playlist and made the memories come flooding back. I was an independent woman, first living with a husband, then on her own on the Upper East. I had the East River to calm me, beautiful music from a neighbor I would meet only after ...

have to make sure i keep writing. completely hung up on fruits basket. it's amazing how someone else can know how you feel. or how we actually relate to fictional characters. but i tguess they have to come from somewhere, right? our thoughts, dreams, experiences and feelings all pour into something we careate. of course we'll find some likeness to our own lives, some of us do anything to ifind tha trelationship. i tend to like the stories that have self-sacrificing characters. mai hime, for instance is a story about a girl who ellearns about her super powers . she's fighting (that reminds me, i was never good at summarizing. even when i wsas in 12 seconds grade, someone asked me abuout the story's subject, or the plot orf something i and i couldn't help but go into detail. i was fastcinated that i could remember it all, and then the teacher called on soemeone else..... i'd love to write a book. i want to write stories. i want to amake something so...

i have to start writing again. the words are being lost in my head, or on paper that's not frata transferred to an online outlet. i have to start writing again. i'll naever make it to a book if i don't get to writing. there was a facevbook or myspace application called write or die . different things would happen to the screen if you stopped typing. you could set a sercertain abmmount of time on the clok ck and then start typing away. it was fun ot see what could come out. i'd like to write a storey from all the things i used to dream up when i was younger. i would alwrays reiwrite stories and save them on floppy discs. yes, do you remember what a lfloppy disc was? i had a story similar to beauty and the besast (tv show , not the fairytale). a woman's attacked and a hideous beast saves her. i really should find those old stories. think i'll also come up with scenes every tniight before bedtime. my bcreative mind is starting to go away, as is my abi...

Tonight, America voted to bring a country back together. I have never felt so proud of my country as i do tonight. ^_^

Yay!! More growth with my little garlic plant! How i love to watch it grow ^_____^ Here is day 5: and day 7: i'm so excited to see how it grows - i still find it amazing, even though i know how it works. guess it helps my mind think of other things than the stress of work or bills, etc. went to an event tonight called a business card exchange. several companies get together and mingle/network with each other at a really awesome venue. so tonight, we all met at Mars 2112 . i met an awesome doll designer and her art director and a lovely woman that puts together a nyc up & out newsletter for nyc's lgbt community. we got to talking and struck a common bond. we both worked our asses off to go to school and didn't feel we should suffer after we already worked so hard. with that said, i'm going to try to do everything i can to try to keep my apartment (it was an issue i've been fighting myself over) while still keeping money aside to live life. in the past...

okay... so i went with my sister to watch cloverfield (about two weeks ago). i liked it... but had NO idea the type of advertising went into it. So, when realizing there was something in the end scene that i missed, i went to google to look for scenes posted somewhere. Apparently, there was such secrecy into releasing the movie in the first place, people have been keeping track online. One site was particularly helpful when it came to explaining everything (without spoilers). Cloverfield Clues I seriously stayed up 2 hours to read all that was tied into the movie. Forums, myspace pages for each character, the companies that were fake and some real that were all in on the "game", and the overlying story that explained bits and pieces of the monster and how it all came to be. The initial reading was eye opening and i felt a little sad that i wasn't able to participate in the "clues." My interest waned and i only checked the site a few times a week (instead o...

i live in a studio apartment on the upper east side in manhattan. the woman next door to me plays the piano. i smile as the notes float through the walls to fall on these lonely ears... ~marj