Write Every Day!

Wow.. it's been quite a while since i wrote last.  For those that are still tuned in, here are some updates: I'm still with my marvelous boyfriend who is more supportive than ever.  I'm definitely going back to school and have to really get my ass in gear.  My first attempt at GRE's was pure failure (at least for me) and since i'm going back to school for a PhD, i really have to get on the grades.  sigh.... Also, since i last wrote, there has been a change in my schooling plan.  I wanted to go for therapy at first, but then i decided to go all the way for a doctorate.  Then i can do research and study people like i always wanted to. I'm working on my focus which is easier to handle when i have more sleep... imagine that.  I also found that caffeine allows me to bypass the filter i put on my thoughts before they go to my mouth.  This proved that i'm thinking too much and syphoning what i say because of social norms and other fears of no...

so i just had this thought come to mind. just had a friend of mine (an ex) ask me for money. we've borrowed from each other in the past and probably will for a little while. I'm paying him back and this could be seen as a type of advance. but i'm going off on a tangent... while i sit here looking through my bank's website thoughts of providing for someone cross my mind. i've made it a very strong point to be the provider in the lives of those i care about. whether it be financially, emotionally or otherwise. i look back at what i had - a dear troubled soul, riddled with guilt and instability who never could make ends meet financially. It was another case of me taking on the mother role and making myself feel needed and important. i took a step back to analyze this feeling. with my current relationship, my boyfriend is ready to pay for meals, offer me gifts and treat me the way I've been treating others. so i have to ask myself why i feel so guilty ta...

So it's 4:10pm on a saturday afternoon. The sun is shining brightly and i long to be outside. Where am i? I'm sitting on the couch, crocheting watching Frasier episodes on Netflix. What does this say about me? I'll tell you. I've come to a point in my life where i'm truly frozen with indecision. I've made a career for myself doing something i'm good at, but not necessarily what i enjoy. I've gone to a school on borrowed money that promises to keep me financially "land locked" for almost a lifetime and i don't know what i want to do. Well, when i really think about it, that's not true. It seems i'm denying my true wants out of fear of failure. Fear of losing the status i've built up around myself. If i asked myself what i want to be, my immediate answer has been subconsciously hushed because i don't think it will happen or will make me successful. Strange how that fear has severely compromised my happiness. Fo...

con ayuda de google translate, quiero aprendir y practicar vocabulario. no es facil, pero quiero intentar.

It's been SO long since i've wanted to write. well, when i've been at the computer at least. i get the urge, but then get lazy. even though i keep a notepad with me at all times it takes some effort to pull it out of my bag an d stop a moment. to take a breath out of life instead of just trudging through on my way soemewhere else. netflix lit up my nostalgia with Swan Princess. i really do think i'll be getting rid of cable. there are so many movies and tv shows i can watch commercial free, why should i bother with channels i jus t flip through to numb my mind? man, i love As Time Goes By. Nice and easy weekend coming up. Going to see Billy Elliott tomorrow afternoon then figure out how i'm going to make a banner for the marathon runners on sunday. They will be right outside my window ^___^ streamers, shiney ribbons and some other things to welcome them to harlem. i love supporting people that are striving for a goal. the structure gives me peace. i'...

Okay... so, where will this career come from? Where should i lay my focus. There are a few things that make my heart leap that i could do for a living: - Work in Anime/Manga promotions/marketing - Become a singer - Work in the Video Game industry (perfect timing, Billy - The Stranger is just how this feels) The jobs above are highly competitive, as am i. They also don't promise lots of money. But working hard, could i be happy with just that? I find that i'm more fortunate than others and must help them when i can. is this an arrogant sentiment? Should i not feel that way and let that dictate where i want to take a possible career? Or should i learn from my previous relationship that i'm not really helping but spoiling others where they cannot help themselves? should i take on a bit of selfishness and do something completely for me? i don't know if i'm ready for that. an opportunity has presented itself and i'll see how things turn out in October. ^_^ to...

i was in the shower when this idea came to mind. it really wasn't a new idea, but one that i've had for quite a while now. i've had a strong disagreement with the way children, and adults are being diagnosed with behavioral problems in the last 10 or so years. i guess it all started with the popularity of ADHD in the news and teachers that felt they had the right to diagnose children themselves. It started there and went onto other ailments that we see as "problems." My feeling is that maybe these instances could be human evolution. The problem is that our society, in it's need for permanence would never consider the possibility. For starters, i'm not trying to make any medical statements, these are all pure observations of those around me and a few definitions i've looked up. My theories could be naive, and i understand there have been years of study to back up other facts, but as the title says, this is a freewrite and it's my blog. :P Now if we ...