Write Every Day!

 see look at that.  i already missed a damn day :( well at least i’m writing now. let’s see, doritos on the table and kitties on my lap. i want to eat all the candy and write my parody lyrics for the cosplay cabaret. perhaps i’ll get that done tonight.  other things have been accomplished so i’m in a good space right now. just a small one because i want to finish my short story on the other blog and write myself a love letter :D

 Wow... it’s been forever again since I’ve written anything in here.  Freewriting, making sure you are keeping the flow going no matter what. Perhaps I’ll start the dr. horrible... or dr. something writing exercises again. this may come out more like a journal entry, but i suppose I’ll do that as well.  GUESS WHAT...???  I HAVE BEEN WRITING!   Since writing in here last, I’ve met up with some Star Trek friends who were really into cosplay.  that lead to meeting others who were in the entertainment industry and that led to doing a Cosplay Cabaret.  So, three years later, I’ve been doing shows where I’m writing my own lyrics to parody songs.  Like a MF dream come true.  I can’t believe it’s taken me this long but at least I arrived here. I’d like to strengthen this muscle again as I feel like my writing prowess was much better in high school, but then so many things were skewed then. It’s time to acknowledge all the things I’ve accomplished as ...

Wow.. it's been quite a while since i wrote last.  For those that are still tuned in, here are some updates: I'm still with my marvelous boyfriend who is more supportive than ever.  I'm definitely going back to school and have to really get my ass in gear.  My first attempt at GRE's was pure failure (at least for me) and since i'm going back to school for a PhD, i really have to get on the grades.  sigh.... Also, since i last wrote, there has been a change in my schooling plan.  I wanted to go for therapy at first, but then i decided to go all the way for a doctorate.  Then i can do research and study people like i always wanted to. I'm working on my focus which is easier to handle when i have more sleep... imagine that.  I also found that caffeine allows me to bypass the filter i put on my thoughts before they go to my mouth.  This proved that i'm thinking too much and syphoning what i say because of social norms and other fears of no...

so i just had this thought come to mind. just had a friend of mine (an ex) ask me for money. we've borrowed from each other in the past and probably will for a little while. I'm paying him back and this could be seen as a type of advance. but i'm going off on a tangent... while i sit here looking through my bank's website thoughts of providing for someone cross my mind. i've made it a very strong point to be the provider in the lives of those i care about. whether it be financially, emotionally or otherwise. i look back at what i had - a dear troubled soul, riddled with guilt and instability who never could make ends meet financially. It was another case of me taking on the mother role and making myself feel needed and important. i took a step back to analyze this feeling. with my current relationship, my boyfriend is ready to pay for meals, offer me gifts and treat me the way I've been treating others. so i have to ask myself why i feel so guilty ta...

So it's 4:10pm on a saturday afternoon. The sun is shining brightly and i long to be outside. Where am i? I'm sitting on the couch, crocheting watching Frasier episodes on Netflix. What does this say about me? I'll tell you. I've come to a point in my life where i'm truly frozen with indecision. I've made a career for myself doing something i'm good at, but not necessarily what i enjoy. I've gone to a school on borrowed money that promises to keep me financially "land locked" for almost a lifetime and i don't know what i want to do. Well, when i really think about it, that's not true. It seems i'm denying my true wants out of fear of failure. Fear of losing the status i've built up around myself. If i asked myself what i want to be, my immediate answer has been subconsciously hushed because i don't think it will happen or will make me successful. Strange how that fear has severely compromised my happiness. Fo...

con ayuda de google translate, quiero aprendir y practicar vocabulario. no es facil, pero quiero intentar.

It's been SO long since i've wanted to write. well, when i've been at the computer at least. i get the urge, but then get lazy. even though i keep a notepad with me at all times it takes some effort to pull it out of my bag an d stop a moment. to take a breath out of life instead of just trudging through on my way soemewhere else. netflix lit up my nostalgia with Swan Princess. i really do think i'll be getting rid of cable. there are so many movies and tv shows i can watch commercial free, why should i bother with channels i jus t flip through to numb my mind? man, i love As Time Goes By. Nice and easy weekend coming up. Going to see Billy Elliott tomorrow afternoon then figure out how i'm going to make a banner for the marathon runners on sunday. They will be right outside my window ^___^ streamers, shiney ribbons and some other things to welcome them to harlem. i love supporting people that are striving for a goal. the structure gives me peace. i'...

Okay... so, where will this career come from? Where should i lay my focus. There are a few things that make my heart leap that i could do for a living: - Work in Anime/Manga promotions/marketing - Become a singer - Work in the Video Game industry (perfect timing, Billy - The Stranger is just how this feels) The jobs above are highly competitive, as am i. They also don't promise lots of money. But working hard, could i be happy with just that? I find that i'm more fortunate than others and must help them when i can. is this an arrogant sentiment? Should i not feel that way and let that dictate where i want to take a possible career? Or should i learn from my previous relationship that i'm not really helping but spoiling others where they cannot help themselves? should i take on a bit of selfishness and do something completely for me? i don't know if i'm ready for that. an opportunity has presented itself and i'll see how things turn out in October. ^_^ to...

i was in the shower when this idea came to mind. it really wasn't a new idea, but one that i've had for quite a while now. i've had a strong disagreement with the way children, and adults are being diagnosed with behavioral problems in the last 10 or so years. i guess it all started with the popularity of ADHD in the news and teachers that felt they had the right to diagnose children themselves. It started there and went onto other ailments that we see as "problems." My feeling is that maybe these instances could be human evolution. The problem is that our society, in it's need for permanence would never consider the possibility. For starters, i'm not trying to make any medical statements, these are all pure observations of those around me and a few definitions i've looked up. My theories could be naive, and i understand there have been years of study to back up other facts, but as the title says, this is a freewrite and it's my blog. :P Now if we ...

Had one of the most meaningful conversations of my life today. I told someone how i feel for a change. He listened - he didn't yell, he didn't berate me, he didn't tell me what i was doing was wrong, he also didn't agree at times and said how he felt. It was amazing! Bleh.... that sounds so flat. I'm invigorated from our words. I feel ten times better than Maria when she was dancing in the dress shop. Things still have to be worked out, each of us has things we have to deal with, but we're doing it together and we're doing it in love. That's all that matters. May good communication spread to all of you out there. ~marj ^__^

It's been quite a while since posting here. With Facebook and other social sites, it's easier to instantly add pictures and comments and rants in one click. The need for immediacy renders the blog almost too time consuming for those with busy schedules. For a while now, i've thought about settling down, trying to steer away from technology and go back to a simpler way of life. With my profession, it may seem impossible, but i'm trying to find the time and resources to do it. Here's what i've been up to lately. Just joined the Tenant's Association at my apartment complex. Since i've signed on for another year's lease, i think i'd like to participate more in what goes on around me at home. I've gone to some of their meetings already and it looks like we may get some work done this year. One of the members of the executive board has also set up mentoring programs for young men. He received interest from women as well and i've signed up...

Strange how writing in this blog doesn't give the same sense of "spilling" my guts anymore. The use of MySpace, then Facebook really took the place of writing longer, more meaningful posts here. Perhaps the need for attention was better fulfilled through the other networking sites. Writing... writing has been on my mind, more so than usual, but the want and will has seemed to leave again. But it's like going to the gym. If you don't go at first, you'll just end up paying month to month without using any of the equipment. When you DO go, you can start a schedule, get used to going and really make use of the money you're spending. I suppose i'm fortunate that i can be in a position to have that decision to make. I really shouldn't take advantage and waste money that way. There are several things i want to do for myself this year. They are not really new year's resolutions because i plan on taking action with each: - go to the library more...

so i figured i'd do a freewrite tonight. esquire.com finally acknowledged the contest if is over(from august 1st :P) but i guess that's how writing contests wrk. i really have to start entering more, but i have to figure out how to get more money into writing. it would really help if i had a higher salary... or maybe i have to start giving up some of the things i'm paying for. hm.. time to study my budget again. not really up to writing much. this weekend will be a moving weekend so long as the hurricane (bill) doesn't get in the way. we'll see. good nigh all.

i love these little impromptu freewrites. today was a good day. not too much coming from the manager - i had a chance to step off the desk and wrok a litle on my own projects. most of you problably don't even know what i do. i'd say i'm a technician, but that's too plain. not really just a technician, but.. cbecause i also do customer srevice. my title is service desk manager, i handl eall the forward facing issues. my fingers are just not typing waht's in my head. hahahaha think of it this way. you're working on your computer, typing away when the A key stops working. what do you do? if you were working in an office, you'd most likely contact your local Help Desk. But do you remember the number? Of course not, you haven't had to contact them since the previous month when your password didn't work. there was no reason to keep that number, you could manage on your own. so, with thebroken A key, you look through your phone books to see if the...

Went to the Upper East Side today. Guess it was a routine visit, going to a book stores tribute to Katya, a dear friend and old neighbor who is performing at Carnegie Hall June 12th. I thought since I was there before that I'd be okay. Thanks to a single song, I was left in tears before the event. You see, music has quite a hold on me. It always has. When I was lonely, music lent some companionship. If I was angry, a hard beat and powerful voice helped release the pressure. If I was sad, I would listen to modern day crooners, mostly broadway ballads, to help the tears flow, then I'd feel a hell of a lot better. And best of all, when I was happy, I could sing along with the rest at the top of my lungs, on key or not. Today, a song came across my iPod playlist and made the memories come flooding back. I was an independent woman, first living with a husband, then on her own on the Upper East. I had the East River to calm me, beautiful music from a neighbor I would meet only after ...

why did the mets lose it in the 4th....?? why, why did this possum guy let them tie the game. ah well, we'll see who comes out on top. went to karaoke today , only a few people showedup . guess i'll invite less people next time. more people come when thehy're not invited. ^_^ time to come up with a story. i want to write about my experiences, but there is so much i don' twant to divulge. we'll see what happens when it's all written ougt. think tonight wil be a short one, i'd like to get to bed at a semi-decent hour. should find out when the next fruitsbasked ti somcing out. we'l see. sorry tfor the short one, but there are still a few things to get done. g'night.

didn't get a chance to write last night, so i'm filling in this morning. this time, i'm trying to tpype slower to reduce the amount of typos.... but i guess that's not the purpose of a freewrite. ah well. very proud of my sister! she's compeleted her first "for pay:" musical, Cinderella as the fairy godmother. should wbe awesome. going to see her later today. then there is the point that i can't go to shana's party :( i wanted to go, but the way the driving worked out, i won't be able to make it. we'll see what's to happen. i still haeve her card. dreamt about anthony last night. he was back in the states and i let him get in th in mommy's car and we drove him home. maybe i should shoot him an email as well. i want to start up more stories, hopefully when i get used to typing on a daily basis, i'll be able to write up some dreams or stories i think about during the day . should be a lot of tfun. today we'll reach ...

have to make sure i keep writing. completely hung up on fruits basket. it's amazing how someone else can know how you feel. or how we actually relate to fictional characters. but i tguess they have to come from somewhere, right? our thoughts, dreams, experiences and feelings all pour into something we careate. of course we'll find some likeness to our own lives, some of us do anything to ifind tha trelationship. i tend to like the stories that have self-sacrificing characters. mai hime, for instance is a story about a girl who ellearns about her super powers . she's fighting (that reminds me, i was never good at summarizing. even when i wsas in 12 seconds grade, someone asked me abuout the story's subject, or the plot orf something i and i couldn't help but go into detail. i was fastcinated that i could remember it all, and then the teacher called on soemeone else..... i'd love to write a book. i want to write stories. i want to amake something so...

i have to start writing again. the words are being lost in my head, or on paper that's not frata transferred to an online outlet. i have to start writing again. i'll naever make it to a book if i don't get to writing. there was a facevbook or myspace application called write or die . different things would happen to the screen if you stopped typing. you could set a sercertain abmmount of time on the clok ck and then start typing away. it was fun ot see what could come out. i'd like to write a storey from all the things i used to dream up when i was younger. i would alwrays reiwrite stories and save them on floppy discs. yes, do you remember what a lfloppy disc was? i had a story similar to beauty and the besast (tv show , not the fairytale). a woman's attacked and a hideous beast saves her. i really should find those old stories. think i'll also come up with scenes every tniight before bedtime. my bcreative mind is starting to go away, as is my abi...

i don't know if i lost the energy, or if i'm overtaxing myself, but i just don't find the need to blog anymore. perhaps it's the invention of sites like myspace an d facebook that give fgriends an option to update at a moment's notice. want to do soo much, but nothing today. have to clean the house, eat, visit the mta transict museum, eat, crochet, eat, do laundry... auh... laundyry >_ this week i completely overtaxed myself to reach a cgoal that wea s was too last minute and probably something that will raise th e bar for my expectations. great. ah wel. think it's time to go back to sleep anad enjoyo my bed ^_____^